We may believe we are in control of a situation, but it’s often an illusion. Let me explain.

• While the modern consensus on mentorship often emphasizes psychological safety and encouragement, historical and psychological evidence suggests that "harsh" or highly demanding mentorship can offer specific, distinct benefits - provided the mentor is competent and the student is resilient.
• In fact, I believe such mentorship will actually increase the resilience of the student.
• To be a successful leader, one must become resilient to all kinds of challenges. Therefore a softly-softly approach to mentoring will most-likely not lead to the desired results.
• A "harsh" mentor is not necessarily abusive, but rather one who sets an uncompromising standard of excellence and refuses to accept anything less. The benefits of this dynamic include the following:
  • Calibration to Reality: Harsh mentors often remove the "cushioning" of social niceties, exposing the mentee to the brutal realities of their field. This prevents a false sense of competence.
  • Thick Skin and Resilience: Constant, unvarnished critique forces a mentee to separate their ego from their work. They learn to view criticism as data for improvement rather than a personal attack.
  • The "Impossible" Standard: A demanding mentor pushes a student past their perceived limits. When a mentor refuses to say "good job" to 90% effort, the student learns to reach 100% - a level they might never have attempted otherwise.
  • Autonomy through Opposition: Sometimes, a mentor’s harshness forces the student to rebel. To prove the mentor wrong, the student develops their own independent voice and self-belief, transitioning from a follower to a peer.
• In sporting and military life, you will find many examples of harsh mentors, but there other fields where it is quite common and still acceptable. Let’s look at some real examples from history:
• Science: Humphry Davy & Michael Faraday
  • The Dynamic: Humphry Davy was the premier chemist of his age, and Michael Faraday was his uneducated apprentice. Davy gave Faraday his start but treated him like a servant; on a tour of Europe, Davy forced the future genius to act as his valet, eating with the servants and handling menial tasks. Later, as Faraday’s star rose, Davy became jealous and even voted against Faraday’s induction into the Royal Society.
  • The Benefit: The rigorous, often humiliating apprenticeship gave Faraday a "chip on his shoulder" and a relentless work ethic. Davy’s harshness and eventual rivalry fuelled Faraday’s drive to prove his own scientific worth, leading him to surpass his master and discover electromagnetic induction. Davy famously admitted that his greatest discovery was "Michael Faraday."
• Culinary Arts: Marco Pierre White & Gordon Ramsay
  • The Dynamic: Before Gordon Ramsay became the shouting terror of Hell’s Kitchen, he was a crying apprentice under Marco Pierre White. White was the first British chef to win three Michelin stars and was known for a psychological intensity that could break staff. He famously made Ramsay break down in tears during service.
  • The Benefit: Ramsay credits White with teaching him the discipline required for perfection. White didn't just teach cooking; he taught the military precision of a brigade system. Ramsay absorbed White's obsession with consistency and high standards, eventually using that same intensity to build his own global empire.
• Music: Nadia Boulanger & The 20th Century Composers
  • The Dynamic: Nadia Boulanger was a French composition teacher who taught legends like Aaron Copland, Quincy Jones, and Philip Glass. She was terrifyingly exacting. She would famously glance at a student's score and dismiss weeks of work with a single word: "Non." She demanded her students memorize Bach’s preludes by heart and refused to tolerate intellectual laziness.
  • The Benefit: Her refusal to accept mediocrity forced her students to justify every single note they wrote. She stripped away their vanity and forced them to find their true, authentic voice. Quincy Jones famously said, "She told me, 'Your music can never be more or less than you are as a human being.'"
• It is important to note that these relationships were often transactional. The harshness was tolerated because the mentor possessed knowledge or status that could not be acquired nowhere else.
• The "benefit" usually ceased the moment the mentor stopped teaching and started merely abusing. In almost all cases (e.g. Faraday, Ramsay), the student eventually had to break away from the mentor to fully mature.
• In business and in sporting life, I have been fortunate to have some excellent mentors, all of which have been harsh with their feedback.
• Without that directness, we would have wasted time.
• Without that honestly, I would not have improved.
• Find yourself a harsh mentor with the skills you desire to grow, then watch your skills grow to match theirs. Just be ready!

Sources

Michael Faraday: Father of Electronics by Charles Ludwig

The Life and Letters of Faraday by Bence Jones.

The Devil in the Kitchen: Sex, Pain, Madness, and the Making of a Great Chef by Marco Pierre White.

Mademoiselle: Conversations with Nadia Boulanger by Bruno Monsaingeon.

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Title music is "Apparent Solution" by Brendon Moeller, licensed via www.epidemicsound.com

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