As leaders we must remain calm and master our emotions rather than falling victim to them.

• In a recent difficult call with a team that were failing to deliver, one of my managers said to me privately “how are you keeping your cool? I am raging over here!”.
• The team in question were late delivering an important feature and were consumed by their own stress.
• You could see all of the stress indicators there: the sighs, the lack of engagement, the rubbing of their own faces to relieve stress.
• In such a situation if I berate them for being so late, what do you think that would do to their already elevated stress levels? It would only make matters worse.
• Instead, I bit my lip and focused my energies on getting them back on track to the shortest, safest path to delivery.
• In such a situation, you need to think clearly as the team are no longer doing so.
• When human beings become too emotional, through stress, fear, or anger: they are no longer thinking logically, but are instead reacting with emotion.
• That emotion is the enemy of reason.
• There is a biological reason for this. Psychologists call it the 'Amygdala Hijack.' When that team member feels cornered, their brain effectively disconnects from its prefrontal cortex - the part responsible for logic and problem-solving.
• In that moment, they physically cannot process complex solutions. Their brain has narrowed their entire existence down to survival. If I had reacted with anger, I would have just been another predator in the room, further shutting down their ability to think.
• It typically provokes a “fight of flight” response in a person, offering them a limited list of options to respond with.
• They can avoid the source of stress, thereby never resolving it, or they can respond with unreasonable aggression. Neither is good in a team context.
• Even worse than that, they become paralysed between the fight or flight options and mentally shut down and do nothing. This is very common under high stress.
• Leaders do not have the luxury of shutting down under such circumstances, as it is our job to guide the team forward no matter what.
• We also know from research into 'Stress Contagion' that a leader's emotions are highly infectious. If I enter that call with a high heart rate and aggressive body language, my team’s mirror neurons pick up on it instantly.
• I become a carrier for panic. By regulating my own state, I’m not just being polite; I’m stopping the viral spread of stress so that their brains can actually get back to work.
• There is only forward, that is the only option.
• What are the steps we must take next to move forward? That is where you need to get your team to focus.
• They need to drive towards a solution.
• Everything else is just a distraction, and in a tactical situation, you do not have the time for distractions.
• Emotion clouds reason.
• Learn to master your emotions.
• A great way to do this is to place yourself in simulated high-stress situations, for example in games or sports, which will teach you to think quickly and clearly under pressure.
• For me, I gain greatly from studying martial arts for this reason, as it puts me under intense pressure on a weekly basis without any real danger.
• It’s a sandbox if you will, and I am sure you can find some pastime in your life with similar benefits.
• In clinical psychology, this is actually called “Stress Inoculation Training.” The idea is simple: by voluntarily exposing yourself to manageable stress - like a sparring partner trying to punch you, or a high-stakes competitive game - you are training your nervous system to dampen the alarm bells.
• You are teaching your brain that “high pressure” does not equal “death.” So when the real crisis hits at work, you don’t freeze. You’ve been here before.
• Your options are never just “fight or flight”, that’s too limited.
• By mastering your emotions, you preserve your reason. And reason will enable you to identify the options that actually lead to victory.

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